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Why are you so different around others?

Updated: Jan 29, 2020

There are three elements of yourself that you probably didn’t know existed and how they are holding you back...

When we can understand the different layers that we have inside of us we can start to unpack our behaviours and how they impact our daily life.

You may or may not be aware that we wear masks in our day to day interactions and activities, even in our roles that we have such as Mum, Wife, Dad, Employer, Employee, Friend, Colleague, Sister, Brother, Grandparent, Mate, Team Member and so the list goes on.

We wear masks and we adopt different behaviours to be accepted and connected with people and I am sure you can relate to this….how exhausting is it?

But why do we wear these masks?

Because of Fear….

Fear of becoming disconnected from others, fear of not being enough, fear of being judged, fear of being seen as a fake or a fraud, fear of not being loveable……fear.

So we have 3 layers that keep us safe…

Let me briefly explain them to you…

At our centre, where we are safe and can be our “True Selves” no masks required, because there is only us…we call this the “Core” layer.

Then as we start to expose ourselves to the outer world we have layer that, for whatever reason & those reasons are valid and justified, feel ashamed of so we want to hide it from everyone, so we put on a mask…let’s call this layer “Crud”

But, we have to get on with life, we have things to do, we can’t hide behind our Crud mask…..so we come up with another mask, another layer which will allow us to been seen as acceptable and enough…we call this layer “Crust”

In summary, we have 3 layers – working from the middle out we have the Core – Crud – Crust.

This is why it is exhausting, because we are putting so much energy into the Crust element to stop people from seeing our Crud because deep down in our Core we do not believe in ourselves, we do not think we are enough, that we feel we maybe unlovable and that if we were to be ourselves we would be judged and be seen as a fake and a fraud…So what do we do? We continue with our masks.

Now, let’s think for a moment this sounds very similar to a lack of self-esteem.

And it is, but it is so much more than that….there are many more levels to this, but let’s stick with the self-esteem, because if we can start to grow our self-esteem our self-confidence will grow, which means we will be able to feel more comfortable and accepting of our Crud, and we can then start to work on our Crud and remove some of the layers of the masks we wear…..

Now Rome was not built in a day and this issue will not be resolved in one blog, but I want to share a gift with you that will get you moving and it is called the Self-Esteem Triad.

This is something that I share with my clients all the time and it works wonders, and I know how impactful having low self-esteem can be.

So, if you would like to use this model, then I would like to share it with you as a gift to get you started, would that be OK?

If it is, thank you.

Here is the link to a short video that will help you start to understand and grow your self-esteem.

Click on the link and you will be able to access the video.

Like I have said, we really are only just starting to explore this concept and it is one that once we have real understanding around, we can change and enhance so that we can be more of our Authentic and True Self. I cannot do the subject justice in this blog, but at least now you have an awareness around it. And with that awareness you can now start to get new perspectives and understandings, which in turn, will develop into thoughts, ideas and strategies on how you can move forward.

I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback about the 3 layers of self that I have mentioned. Even more, if you have watched the self-esteem triad video and have implemented the 3 simple strategies I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences as you have started out on your journey to grow and develop your self-esteem and reclaim the True You.

Now if this has really got you thinking and has resonated strongly with you, you may be interested in a workshop I am running on 23rd February called the “Inner Work” where I will be unpacking this principle in even greater detail and sharing more insights and tips that will enable you to remove more masks and be comfortable within yourself and to be your Authentic and True Self.

If you are interested in attending this workshop, you can book your ticket using the link below.

I hope this serves you well and I would love to hear your thoughts, ah-ha moments, challenges and break throughs that you will have had as you read through this blog and watched the gift of the Self-Esteem Triad – Video

Please email me and share with me your experience - steve@iamenoughcoaching.com

Thank you

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