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Saying no to yourself is like giving yourself Cancer

Cell spliting
Saying No to yourself can be damaging at a cellular level

Strong title I know, but here is why…

When we say no to ourselves, in whatever way…

We are self-inducing stress and resentment

When we are in stress, we squeeze the visceral sack.

The visceral sack is where all of our major organs live…our heart, kidneys, liver, lungs etc.

The reason why the visceral sack constricts and squeezes is because when we are stressed, we start to move to the fight, flight or freeze response.

This is a natural response to stress; it is what Humans have been doing since the start of time.

We cannot change it…..it happens and that is a fact.

The visceral sack squeeze the blood to our extremities, our legs, arms etc….pumping up our muscles for fight, flight or freeze.

And there is nothing you can do about it…

So, if our blood is sent to our extremities…what is happening to our vital organs?

They are being starved of blood.

What does blood provide?

Oxygen, nutrients and other vital chemicals for our organs to operate and function at the highest levels….

What happens if they are starved of these necessary elements for any length of time….?

The stop functioning so well and struggle…

But wait, there is even more….

What else does the blood do?

It removes the toxins and waste from these organs…

But the blood is at the extremities ….

And waste removal is a low priority compared to providing oxygen, nutrients etc…

So the waste just builds up, and builds up….because there is limited blood, because we are in stress and therefore in fight, flight or freeze mode.

Why…..because you said no to yourself.

When we are ease, everything functions well.

When we are not at ease….we are at dis-ease or disease.

This is why Stress is the #1 killer in the western world…

I hear what you are saying…..You can’t say yes to everything and I agree, there has to be personal discipline.

Also saying no to certain things such as eating unhealthily and drinking too much are other good examples.

People are often so invested in helping others or putting others first they create an unhealthy habit….

This habit means that when it comes to putting themselves first, investing in themselves, they often say no, because it feels uncomfortable and “wrong”.

However, this is where the tension starts to creep in, the voice in the head starts to chirp away…”you should have done that” you know the voice, we all have one.

So then what you do you, you justify your choices….”ah but I can’t afford it” or “I don’t have the time” or “its just not my thing”…

Have you ever heard yourself saying that….

Then a few weeks or months down the track you start to think, “Oh, if only I had taken that opportunity, I would be doing XYZ now”

This is where the stress starts….because we are in the What If zone.

Even more, you start seeing everyone else living the good life and not you.

This in turn starts the decline of your self-esteem by thinking everyone else is better than me, I am not good enough, why is my life like this and theirs is like that…..more stress.

It always starts of slow….but it can build momentum so quickly…

Imagine for a moment the impact you are having on your health, because by now we are living in self-induced stress every day….that visceral sack is squeezed daily. Those major organs are under strain daily.

Dis-ease starts to set in….it only takes one cell to split in an organ and to split in the wrong way and that is Cancer.

How do we stop these excuses coming out of us all the time?

The …but you don’t understand…”I don’t have time” or “I can’t afford it”?

You become consciously aware of it….and you change the tune.

Let me ask you this….do you have kids? Do you have a mortgage?

For the majority of people reading this the answer will be yes….

So, let me ask you this….how did you know you could afford it? Or have the time for kids?

You didn’t, you just said Yes and worked it out as you went along….

Sure it is tough, it is difficult, you will have fallen in some holes, but you are still here right?

And that is the golden nugget right there….

We either find an excuse or we find a way…

We are very capable and resourceful people, we must be, or we wouldn’t still be here.

Excuses will lead you to the stress and once the excuse is made, that becomes the truth and the truth sticks, so you will always be in that stress cycle.

Whereas finding a way, will still be stressful, but only for a short period of time as you work out a way forward.

Even more, oh my god, this is where the real gold lies…..you will be producing evidence by the bucket load that you are resourceful, that you can do this and that you are capable….Your self-esteem and confidence goes through the roof….

Which in turn means that you stress less, because you know you are a resourceful, powerful, capable person and that when you are put under the pump you find a way…

No one can take this away from you …

And you know what?

Boom, you become much more at ease.

That is where the gold is my friend…..right there.

So the next time an opportunity comes up for you….and you find yourself saying…

“I can’t afford this”


“I don’t have the time”


“I can’t achieve this”

Think…..do I want to run the risk of getting cancer, of letting myself down, crippling myself with low-self esteem or do I see this as the opportunity that it really is….to grow, to develop that evidence…to increase your self esteem and confidence. To become the better version of yourself?

Because you will at those moments either make and excuse or find a way.

I remember saying yes to an opportunity that had (and did) have the potential to change my life….The investment was 3 years of my life and $90,000.

At that time I didn’t even have a job….I had about $800 in the bank and my immediate response was….no way, “I can’t afford that” … “I don’t think this is for me” (it was totally for me) and “where will I find the time”

I knew deep down, in my gut and in my heart this was for me….but my small thinking, petty minded common sense was saying “NO” – he was screaming at the top of his voice….”NO FCUKING WAY Steve”

Then I started to think, if I don’t do this how will I feel?

I have experienced heaps of regret in my life and it is like having acid reflux in your belly….it hurts, it tastes bad and it keeps coming back all the time to give you a reminder of what a loser you are.

I didn’t want that anymore, so I dug deep, over rode my common sense and said “yes”…

Was it scary?

You bet your arse it was…

Was it stressful?

Yes it was, but it soon subsided especially when I had taken my first couple of steps and got some wins under my belt…

Would I do it again?

In a heart beat…..

So stop inducing stress in yourself…..shit there is enough stress in the world already, we do not need to be contributing our own stress levels.

Because the impacts are real.

Don’t believe me….Google the impacts of stress.

Do this for yourself, for your family, for your future…

You are worth every investment, you are the most valuable thing you have….because without you … there is nothing.

Saying Yes and working out how, will give you benefits you cannot even imagine right now.

So the next time you hear yourself thinking:

“I can’t afford it”

“I don’t have the time”

“I can’t do that”

Stop…..and think of your visceral sack being squeezed and your organs being starved and all the waste building up in them….

Say Yes for you.

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If you are feeling that Leadership is lonely "it's lonely at the top" then you are doing it wrong. #stevebarker #humanskills


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